Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?

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Is choosing to be a stay at home mom just a bad idea? Is it too risky?
Posted by futureshock
on 10/8/12 at 12:33pm (2 likes)
I am talking about what happens in the case of divorce/break up (or death/disability). Many women who choose to become stay at home mothers, even if they have a college education and job experience, are going to have a difficult time getting back on their feet financially. It is one thing to be married to a man with a decent income because in that case a woman may get enough child support plus alimony plus half of everything else to live comfortably, but that depends upon the length of the marriage and other factors, etc. However, so many women are living UNMARRIED with their children's fathers and some with men who are not related to their children and they will get absolutely NOTHING for themselves once that relationship ends.
Is it just too risky?

Replies (1-10 of 428)

Posted by futureshock
on 10/8/12 at 12:34pm (2 likes)

If the women will be living in poverty after divorce/break up, so will the children. So while being a stay at home mom is good for kids while it lasts, is it really worth those years when the rest of their childhoods may be spent living in poverty?
Posted by ReadWriteLuv
on 10/8/12 at 12:37pm (15 likes)

I don't know. There are an awful lot of CM'ers with no education, no job, no work history, and no money of their own who come on here and post about being stuck in miserable situations that they are powerless to leave. I feel sorry for them.

Cue the "don't feel sorry for me, I chose this, I'm better than you because I solely take care of my family , I know we'll never be divorced so I don't have to worry about this" responses.
Posted by lga1965
on 10/8/12 at 12:37pm (3 likes)

Yes, its risky. Good post! Good questions.

I worry about young moms who think they will always be married to the father of their children and never plan for a future that might happen. What will they do if the guy leaves? They will be lost and alone and have no skills to go out and get a good ,well paying job. Its scary. Its especially risky nowdays when the divorce rate seems to be increasing. Its even riskier for a single Mom who never intended to marry the guy.
Posted by mustloveanimals
on 10/8/12 at 12:39pm (13 likes)

In this economy, it is incredibly risky to CHOOSE to be a stay at home mom. One never knows how long their S/O will maintain their employment, and what happens if their S/O passes away? We have life insurance but I don't know how many others do.
I think you ask a really good question. I work, so I clearly chose to not take the risk. Like I said, I don't worry about break up, I worry about death or disability or loss of job. That affects all of us, married or not. Perhaps the best thing is working part time so that it would be easier to go full time in the case of an emergency, yet still spending a good amount of time raising the kids? That is my dream!
Posted by katzmeow726
on 10/8/12 at 12:39pm (20 likes)

Maybe...but I also have plans set up in case anything should happen.

But right now, the benefits of home educating my children, and doing small jobs from home, outweigh the remote risks of being a SAHM
Posted by futureshock
on 10/8/12 at 12:40pm

Quoting ReadWriteLuv:

I don't know. There are an awful lot of CM'ers with no education, no job, no work history, and no money of their own who come on here and post about being stuck in miserable situations that they are powerless to leave. I feel sorry for them.

Cue the "don't feel sorry for me, I chose this, I'm better than you because I solelt take care of my family , I know we'll never be divorced so I don't have to worry about this" responses.
lol
so true
Posted by Sisteract
on 10/8/12 at 12:40pm (6 likes)

IMO, yes.
I also think it depends on your education and skill level.
If you're in a highly technical field, yes... out for longer than a year and no longer employable?
I was lucky, I have always worked part time and off hours for many years- The absolute best of all worlds.
IMO, if you truly advocate for personal responsibility and independence, a family should have as many financial ducks in a row as possible.
See, in this area I am conservative- Be prepared to fully take care of your own.
IMO, worse case scenario is a devastating disability to the primary wage earner. LTDI is really important- at least for us.
Posted by paganbaby
on 10/8/12 at 12:42pm

I agree that it's risky.
Me and dh have been discussing ways for me to work, but there's just no way for me to homeschool him and work at the same time. One would have to give. And dh is incapable of teaching him. I love him, but that man has no patience and is a terrible teacher,lol.
Posted by paganbaby
on 10/8/12 at 12:43pm

I'm curious, what plans do you have set up?
Quoting katzmeow726:

Maybe...but I also have plans set up in case anything should happen.

But right now, the benefits of home educating my children, and doing small jobs from home, outweigh the remote risks of being a SAHM
Posted by justinnaimee
on 10/8/12 at 12:43pm (1 like)

I wouldn't risk it without being married and having a "just in case" plan.