- Posted by AubreeG16
on 10/5/12 at 11:50am (8 likes)Umm... well.. you do what you think is best for you and this baby. I know its probobly hard on you, this is tuff. Just stay strong and take care of your daughter. She is YOURS. She is importent. You are not trapped with her, she is trapped with you. Remember that she didn't ask to be concieved. He will either help you out, and send money, or not. No biggie. You think I wanted to be a 15 teat old single mom to twins? Nope. But now I am 17 with 2 goregeous babies. It will all work out momma. Don't go around putting yourself down or reverting your daughter. All kids are a blessing. :)
- Posted by amonkeymom
on 10/5/12 at 2:38pm
and big hugs!
- Posted by Lurion
on 10/5/12 at 5:48pm
That's rough. I'd strongly encourage you not to make any decisions until she is born. Assuming you're not considering abortion, you have plenty of time to sort everything out.
A lot of people feel that way when they're pregnant and haven't bonded yet...like afraid that you'll never love the second one the way you love the first. That all goes out the window once you hold your baby in your arms.
I wouldn't count much on BD's help, but you never know--maybe his mom or other family will be loving and supportive (assuming he's Hispanic? My ex is too, and his family is awesome with my kids).
Best of luck.
- Posted by Refurbished
on 10/5/12 at 6:00pm (4 likes)
Just give it some time. I was separated from my ex when I was pregnant with my daughter because he was having an affair. Right up to the day I had her, I was conflicted on whether or not I was making a huge mistake by having her. But you know what? She's 16 now, and the best thing that ever happened to me. I grew my own best friend. We are so much a like, and we just completely "get" one another. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just tell myself, "Calm down, this the best gift you will ever receive, even if you can't see it yet."
- Posted by Robsessed98
on 10/5/12 at 6:11pm (3 likes)If you honestly dont think you love your child enough to do right by her, by all means put her up for adoption. She didnt ask to be conceived, but she defintely deserves to be raised by someone who will fully love and provide for it. Think and pray hard and do what you truly think is best for baby.
- Posted by iHay
on 10/5/12 at 10:55pm (4 likes)I'll take her. Just kidding :) i would say that its not your daughter you resent but the situation youre in. Try focusing your resentment on dd daddy and not on her. And also if you are keeping her and really feel like you resent her then maybe try counseling. Just having someone to talk t might help.
- Posted by momma2aprince86
on 10/5/12 at 11:19pmI think you just dont like the situation. Not your daughter just the postion you are in. My dd dad is from kenya. He has a visa on and off but still has to pay for her when he is in the US. I dont like the situation and she too is his only dd. But i would not trade it for the world!
- Posted by juniebug11
on 10/6/12 at 9:10amThat's a really hard situation , first of all congrats on your pregnency. There have been plenty of moms who had that unexpected surprise. How far along are you? If you are considering adoption I would just talk to an agency or someone who knows about adoption. You know how hard having children is, and raising them . I don't want you to treat her different , or regret anything you decided to do.
But , I think you could manage , if you wanted to. Children are such blessings , and I'm sure you will love this little girl as soon as you see her face.
- Posted by LifeCafe42
on 10/6/12 at 9:23amWelcome to the group! Do what's best for you and your child. If adoption is that option don't throw it out the window
- Posted by TJandKarasMom
on 10/6/12 at 9:27am (1 like)
Keep her. You will grow to love her more and more. She is yours, keep trying and you WILL bond with her. If there is any question, do not let a family member adopt her, it will be harder on all of you knowing that she is yours. Think of as she gets older and finds out you (auntie) are biomom, why wasn't she good enough to keep when you already had two boys? When ex SIL parents in a way you don't approve of, will you be able to not say anything, being it is your daughter? What will your boys say/feel/think? How will you feel seeing her, bonding with her, what if you felt you made a mistake by giving her up?
We all have those feelings at some point. I have a DS and divorced his father when he was very young, I questioned letting his father take him, thought it might be better for him. Although things aren't always easy, I love him more than anything and am so glad I did things the way I did. I also took on my stepdaughter, she isn't biologically mine and I have a lot of resentment toward her mother that has no responsibility to this child at all at this point. While my life could be easier without my SD, it wouldn't be right. She is mine too, I am her mom, and it took time but we have a great bond and I am very lucky she is in my life.
My final advice is keep her. Keep trying, keep loving, encourage your boys to love her, and your love with grow through that as well. Good luck.