Legal Stepparents rights in decision making

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Legal Stepparents rights in decision making
Posted by kehornavonlady
on 4/23/12 at 10:44pm
My my stepdaughters' bio mom told my husband that she wants to have a meeting at a coffee shop to talk about the girls' parenting plan for the summer. I told my husband that I am a part of these kids' lives so I want to be there to discuss the plan since I contribute to the girls' care just as much as they do. I am a stay at home mother and I take care of the girls when we have them so I think it's only right that I am there to discuss the plan. The ex tells my husband that she only wants to talk to him as the kids "parents". I told my husband that he needs to tell her that I am a part of the kids lives and I do have a say when it comes to the care since I have to care for them. She and I recently had a fight that ended with her calling me "just a glorified babysitter" which obviously shows that she is not comfortable with me yet. I understand that, however I am a part of the kids lives and there is nothing that is going to change that. I know that I cannot force her to realize that but I have feelings too. What is the legal rights that I have in AZ?

Replies (1-10 of 114)

Posted by JacyB
on 4/23/12 at 10:48pm (1 like)

Back off. You'll be less stressed and everything will go more smoothly.
Posted by JacyB
on 4/23/12 at 10:48pm

Also, you have no legal rights
Posted by looneytunes290
on 4/23/12 at 10:49pm (6 likes)

Usually none- not sure about your state. Let your hubby go alone- but make sure he knows in advance that you will not be keeping sd this summer so he will have to arrange child care perhaps he and bm should talk about splitting the cost?? then hold him to it. If you have no decision making authority then don't be "a glorified babysitter" it's the parents right to include you or not- but if they choose not to then they shouldn't expect you to be a fill in. I have been there and soooooo wish someone had gave me my own advice !!
Posted by bcauseimthemom
on 4/23/12 at 10:51pm

You are nothing more than their father's wife. You have no legal rights.
Posted by Mommy0505
on 4/23/12 at 11:02pm (3 likes)

Sad but true, you have zero rights to someone else's kids - regardless of who you married (their father).

I understand it would be nice to be there especially if the responsibility of caring for her will fall onto you while she's there... BUT you can't force BM to accept you.

Maybe talk with your DH about some basic expectations you have and some general input and send him off to the meeting. He doesn't have to agree to anything at that moment so idealy he'd come home with a tentative plan and discuss it with you...

Honestly, if BM wanted to she could probably take him to mediation to settle this and then you'd both be paying for it & you still wouldn't be allowed to be there.

Take the advice of these SMs... They may be extremely direct, but they simply are giving it to you straight - no sugar coating here at CM!!
Posted by ....ClvrScn.
on 4/23/12 at 11:02pm (1 like)

Uh oh
Posted by Mommy0505
on 4/23/12 at 11:04pm (1 like)

I know, lol. I'm waiting...

Quoting ....ClvrScn.:

Uh oh
Posted by dukegirl01
on 4/23/12 at 11:06pm (2 likes)

Legally, we may not have rights, but morally and because of marriage we are moms! Step Moms!
I would never allow my husband to meet with ex alone at a coffee shop or anyother setting. Since you do help parent, there is no reason, that this "unessesary"meeting can not be done in a setting that is comfortable for YOU! After all, you are your husbands wife and should ALWAYS come first, NOT the ex!!!
This could also be done VIA speaker phone....
We may not have rights as step parents, which to some degree, we should but, WE DO HAVE RIGHTS AS WIVES TO OUR HUSBANDS!
And our husbands should always put our needs, conserns, feelings and wishes before an ex. I'm sorry you are put in that position. It is NEVER easy being a step PARENT or married to someone with children from someone else.
I understand. Good luck to you!
Posted by ....ClvrScn.
on 4/23/12 at 11:07pm

Quoting Mommy0505:

Lol.. its gonna be a good one.
Posted by 5monkeysplus1
on 4/23/12 at 11:14pm (2 likes)

I don't think you need to be there. If you need to be included in anything, its with Dh. She has no responsibility to include you. The way it works w/ me & ex is we discuss what we each want (that may have been prediscussed w/ our spouses) then we agree to go back & check w/ our spouses/work etc..before we agree. It's your Dh's responsibility to check w/ you before committing to anything.