• Please help! 18 year old daughter pregnant
  • Posted by sadmom323
    on 4/11/12 at 3:29pm
  • Hi, I am in bad need of some comfort and advice.  Our precious 18 year old daughter informed us last Monday that she's pregnant.  She just found out that day.  She's already 3 months along and didn't know because she was "cycling" her pills to skip three months worth of periods at a time.  She turned 18 in March, so though it doesn't matter, she was still 17 when this happened.  We are crushed and heartbroken.  She is a wonderful person with good values (or so we thought) and was planning to start community college after graduation at the end of May.  She's always talked about wanting a house, nice cars, etc., and how she wasn't having kids because she's not really into them.  Now here we are.  She is insistent on keeping the baby and her boyfriend (who we can't stand simply because he's used her and treated her poorly in the past) seems to be fine with that.  I just NEVER thought this would happen to us, we're upper middle class, she's well put together with people always telling her she should be a model, she loves being with family and has never really caused us any problems (I don't mean to sound snooty by mentioning these things, I just don't understand why this happened).  One thing I can't wrap my head around is why it's happening to us.  It always seems the stereotype for pregnant teens is that they come from divorced or uneducated families, etc.; none of which is true here.  We are devastated and our initial reaction was not good at all.  I've been trying to really calm down with each day and be there for her instead of thinking of my own feelings, but I have sobbing breakdowns multiple times a day.  This is not what we wanted for her and sadly, a part of our anger and emotions come from thinking about what we've lost with her.  We've been a close family and she told us she was going to live at home for 2 more years (before this).  I've always been anxious and depressed about her growing up and not living with us anymore, but had just finally relaxed and let it go because I thought "oh two more Christmases, two more summer vacations, two years!".  Now I'm on the verge of panic because realistically she probably won't stay at home once the baby's here and will probably move out before.  I worry about this Christmas, our summer vacation we were supposed to take, etc. My mind's just racing with sad thoughts and dwelling on how we will never have this time with our daughter again.  She and I use to have so much fun together just being crazy and I'm grieving that it's all gone now.  I also find myself dwelling on the fact that she is now not going to be getting all those nice material things she talked about soon (I know that's silly but ...).  I feel so bad for her that she's changed her path and I don't know how to get past that.  She's not happy about it and is angry that she let it happen, but she is determined to keep it.  I'm looking for advice on trying to let my feelings and sorrow go so that we can once again enjoy eachother and maybe even reassurance from others with experience that our life together is not ending and we will still be able to do these things; hopefully I'm over-reacting.  Thank you so much for any help.  I'm desparate and tired of bauling all day!

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