OT: True Story, for Moms of Teen Girls

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OT: True Story, for Moms of Teen Girls
Posted by PinkieRed
on 4/4/12 at 4:08pm
I watch this show on the ID channel, called Disappeared - every episode features a true story about a missing person. An episode I watched the other day really bothered me, being a mom of a teenage girl.

It was about a 14 year old girl from Southern California, who was seeing a 20 year old man, one of her older brother's friends. Her mother thought something was going on with her daughter, because she was a straight A student, but then her grades started to drop. The daughter insisted nothing was wrong, though. Then the mother got a call from the girl's soccer coach, saying that the girl had walked off the soccer field during a practice, with a guy, and no one could find them. That's when the mom found out her daughter has been sneaking around with the 20 year old man, skipping classes to hang out with him.

The mom called the guy, and told him to stay away from her daughter, as she was underaged, but he refused. And what was crazy, was that the girl's mom talked to the guy's mom too, and the guy's mom defended him. She said her son told her the girl was 19, and said her son was in love with the girl. They showed photos of this girl on the show, and no way did she even look close to 19. She looked like a 14 year old.

The mother went up to the school one afternoon to meet her daughter for lunch, and her daughter wasn't there, and wouldn't answer her cell phone. The girl ended up pulling up in the parking lot, in a car with the guy, while her mom was in the parking lot, trying to call her. The girl's mother took her daughter to the police, and requested a medical exam, and testing of the girl's underwear, to find out if she was having sex with the guy, and it turned out that she was.

The mother ended up pressing charges against the guy, and all he got was a 6 month work release sentence, where he had to stay in a halfway house, and was allowed out during the day to go to work.

One afternoon, the girl's brother went to pick her up from school, and she was nowhere to be found, and wasn't answering her cell phone. The mother then realized that it had been 6 months since the guy had started his work release, and that that very day was the day he was set to be released. The school told the mom that her daughter had never showed up to school that day, but they had never bothered to call the mom to let her know. She only found out when she went inside the school to look for her daughter.

She called the police, and the police found out that the guy had gotten released at midnight, then stolen a car from the car dealership where he was working, and the police figured he had the girl with him. They put out a stolen vehicle report on the car, and found out that the car had passed through Border Patrol, going into Mexico, about 5 hours previously.

The mother probably never would have found her daughter, except that an acquaintance who was a private investigator had offered to help her for free. The PI got a call from an American, a woman who said she had gone to Acapulco, and was eating at a restaurant there, and her waitress was a young, African American girl. She said the girl was really friendly, and they started talking, and the girl told her her name, Chioma. The woman remembered the girl's name, because it was unusual, and for some reason, the Googled her name, and found that the girl had been reported missing from the U.S. The police went to the restaurant, and couldn't find the girl, but her coworkers described her and the 20 year old man, and said they were a couple, and were both working in Mexico.

It turned out that the guy's family had been sending money to their son to support him and the girl while they were in Mexico. When they found out they could face legal consequences for it, since the girl had been underaged (15) when the guy took her out of the country, the parents convinced him to turn himself in.

The girl had been missing for 4 years by the time her mom got her back. She had just turned 15 when she left and 19 when she came back to the U.S.

The guy ended up only getting sentenced to 2 years in prison for taking the girl out of the country, and with time served (whatever that is), he'll probably only serve 9 months in prison (???). He told his family that he and the girl are still in love, and that they are going to be together when he gets out of prison.

The saddest part of it all, to me, is that the girl still insisted she was in love with the man, and two days after coming back to the U.S., she moved out of her mom's house, and went to live with the guy's parents. That poor mom spent 4 years searching for her daughter, missed out seeing her go to her prom, graduate from high school, etc., and here the girl treats her like that.

I'm just shaking my head too, wondering what was wrong with the guy's parents, that they saw nothing wrong with him messing around with a 14 year old girl, and taking her out of the country, without her parents' permission.

What a nightmare for that poor mom, and scary for us moms of teen girls!

Replies (1-10 of 24)

Posted by Playitagain
on 4/4/12 at 5:07pm (1 like)

Well you read whats going on with my DD, thankfully the only border they could quickly get too would be Canada, and the Canadians are pretty good about stuff like that even if they did get into the country.
I just got off the phone with the boys mother, she thinks Dh and I are being so cruel, that they kids are just "two people in love". Now Dh and I have a 14 year age gap, but I wasnt a teenager at all when we got together and I was always way too mature for my age. I told the mom her son needs to stay away from my daughter, the one thing I might be able to hold onto my sanity with is the fact the boy is in the airguard reserves and the armed forces dont take this type of thing lightly. Plus we have legal saftys in place with DD where if she did take off, she wouldnt legally be allowed to move out even at 19 without a court order.
I think we live in a world where parents want to be their kids friend, and its a very sad thing. Our schools dont report absences to us either, infact if was just by finding DDs yearbook account that I even was able to quickly piece together she was skipping school. I had to make a special request with her case teacher to get her attendence records.
I can only imagine what this would be like, its like thinking about that teacher... Mary Kay Latouro, she married her student when she got out of prison. I wonder how her ex husband and kids face each day knowing that.
Posted by mumsy2three
on 4/4/12 at 5:42pm (1 like)

I DVR that show and watched that episode the other night. It was a sad and scary episode. At least she is back home but it sounds like she has some issues with Stockholm syndrome.
Posted by bizzeemom2717
on 4/4/12 at 5:47pm (1 like)

That is such a sad story on many levels, her poor mom!
Posted by PinkieRed
on 4/4/12 at 6:18pm (1 like)

I do have to wonder what is wrong with some of these parents. There's a huge difference between a 14 year old girl being with a 20 year old man, and say, a 19 year old woman being with a 25 year old man.

No way would I be OK with my son, when he's 20, messing around with a 14 year old!
Posted by PinkieRed
on 4/4/12 at 6:24pm

I DVR it too, and watch it when the kids are at school. I love that show! I also love "I Survived".

I think that Chioma is convinced she's really in love with that guy. And now that she an adult, her mom can't legally keep her away from him. The whole thing is so sad.

Quoting mumsy2three:

I DVR that show and watched that episode the other night. It was a sad and scary episode. At least she is back home but it sounds like she has some issues with Stockholm syndrome.
Posted by PinkieRed
on 4/4/12 at 6:32pm

I absolutely agree that too many of these parents just want to be their kid's friends, not their parents.

What is wrong with this guy's mom that she thinks it's OK for her adult son to have sex with your underage, mentally disabled daughter, and to help her skip school, too?

How old is your daughter and the guy? My husband is almost 9 years older than me, but I was an adult when we started dating, too.

I'm very disturbed too, that your daughter's school doesn't report absences to parents. I just assumed that every high school does. If the students are legally required to be in school, then the school should be legally required to notify parents of any absences.

Quoting Playitagain:

Well you read whats going on with my DD, thankfully the only border they could quickly get too would be Canada, and the Canadians are pretty good about stuff like that even if they did get into the country.
I just got off the phone with the boys mother, she thinks Dh and I are being so cruel, that they kids are just "two people in love". Now Dh and I have a 14 year age gap, but I wasnt a teenager at all when we got together and I was always way too mature for my age. I told the mom her son needs to stay away from my daughter, the one thing I might be able to hold onto my sanity with is the fact the boy is in the airguard reserves and the armed forces dont take this type of thing lightly. Plus we have legal saftys in place with DD where if she did take off, she wouldnt legally be allowed to move out even at 19 without a court order.
I think we live in a world where parents want to be their kids friend, and its a very sad thing. Our schools dont report absences to us either, infact if was just by finding DDs yearbook account that I even was able to quickly piece together she was skipping school. I had to make a special request with her case teacher to get her attendence records.
I can only imagine what this would be like, its like thinking about that teacher... Mary Kay Latouro, she married her student when she got out of prison. I wonder how her ex husband and kids face each day knowing that.
Posted by Not_A_Native
on 4/4/12 at 6:35pm

It is very possible she IS in love with this guy. I have to say, though, if I had been the mom, I would NOT have involved the police, and certainly not had her "tested" to see if she was sexually active. I would have assumed she was, and dealt with it on my own. Something like - move to another city, get her in counseling, that sort of thing. And these things don't "just happen". The girl was losing interest in stuff - where were the parents then?

It's now so sad on so many levels. Girl is stuck between a rock and a hard place, mom is certainly alienated her child forever.
Posted by PinkieRed
on 4/4/12 at 6:45pm (1 like)

Well, the mom said on the program that whether her daughter is in love with this guy or not, was irrelevant, because at 14 years old, in CA, a girl cannot legally consent to sex with a 20 year old man.

Her daughter was a virgin when she met the guy, never had any boyfriends, and was young and impressionable. Here comes this 20 year old guy, flattering her, and making her feel special and pretty. Of course she thought she was in love with him. He took advantage of her, in my opinion.

I think the mom did everything she could, given the circumstances. The girl only started doing poorly in school once she started sneaking off, skipping classes, to be with the guy.

And I just don't get why a school, HS or not, wouldn't notify parents if their kid has unexcused absences.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

It is very possible she IS in love with this guy. I have to say, though, if I had been the mom, I would NOT have involved the police, and certainly not had her "tested" to see if she was sexually active. I would have assumed she was, and dealt with it on my own. Something like - move to another city, get her in counseling, that sort of thing. And these things don't "just happen". The girl was losing interest in stuff - where were the parents then?

It's now so sad on so many levels. Girl is stuck between a rock and a hard place, mom is certainly alienated her child forever.
Posted by Playitagain
on 4/4/12 at 6:49pm (1 like)

Quoting PinkieRed:

I absolutely agree that too many of these parents just want to be their kid's friends, not their parents.

What is wrong with this guy's mom that she thinks it's OK for her adult son to have sex with your underage, mentally disabled daughter, and to help her skip school, too?

How old is your daughter and the guy? My husband is almost 9 years older than me, but I was an adult when we started dating, too.

I'm very disturbed too, that your daughter's school doesn't report absences to parents. I just assumed that every high school does. If the students are legally required to be in school, then the school should be legally required to notify parents of any absences.

Quoting Playitagain:

Well you read whats going on with my DD, thankfully the only border they could quickly get too would be Canada, and the Canadians are pretty good about stuff like that even if they did get into the country.
I just got off the phone with the boys mother, she thinks Dh and I are being so cruel, that they kids are just "two people in love". Now Dh and I have a 14 year age gap, but I wasnt a teenager at all when we got together and I was always way too mature for my age. I told the mom her son needs to stay away from my daughter, the one thing I might be able to hold onto my sanity with is the fact the boy is in the airguard reserves and the armed forces dont take this type of thing lightly. Plus we have legal saftys in place with DD where if she did take off, she wouldnt legally be allowed to move out even at 19 without a court order.
I think we live in a world where parents want to be their kids friend, and its a very sad thing. Our schools dont report absences to us either, infact if was just by finding DDs yearbook account that I even was able to quickly piece together she was skipping school. I had to make a special request with her case teacher to get her attendence records.
I can only imagine what this would be like, its like thinking about that teacher... Mary Kay Latouro, she married her student when she got out of prison. I wonder how her ex husband and kids face each day knowing that.

My daughter is barely 16, legal age were we live is 17, the guy is 21 (or very close to it) but because of her form of guardianship there actually is know age of "consent" as far as DD is concerned. I found out a couple hours ago. Its a law inplace to protect mentally ill and disabled peoples from predators.
I think our school no longer reports absences because of budget cuts, I also no longer call when one of my kids is absent from school. They used to at least send you a pre recorded message but that was at the end of the day and didnt tell you what hours or anything like that.
Posted by PinkieRed
on 4/4/12 at 7:01pm

That makes sense, for your daughter, since her mental age is different than her physical age. I would file a restraining order against the guy.

Sadly though, even if he's out of the picture, there will likely be another young man ready to take his place. I really feel for you.

I didn't know school districts were doing that.

My kids have always been in Catholic school, due to us living in a city with lousy public schools. I only went to Catholic schools too, so I have no practical experience with public schools.

I have to call my kids in absent if they are sick or whatever, and if I don't, the school will call to check on them. I forgot to call for my son one time when he was sick, and the school called at 9 (school starts at 8) to see where he was.

I also have to send a note to school, too, the day after they are absent, for it to count as an excused absence.

My son gets an Ohio EdChoice voucher for his tuition, and if he has more than 20 absences in a school year, he'll lose his voucher, so he's not staying home from school unless he's really sick.

My daughter will be starting high school this fall at a Catholic high school, and their handbook says parents have to call in if their child will be absent, and that students can't leave early without parental permission.

Budget cuts or not, it seems ridiculous for a school not to monitor attendance, and alert parents of problems.

Quoting Playitagain:

Quoting PinkieRed:

I absolutely agree that too many of these parents just want to be their kid's friends, not their parents.

What is wrong with this guy's mom that she thinks it's OK for her adult son to have sex with your underage, mentally disabled daughter, and to help her skip school, too?

How old is your daughter and the guy? My husband is almost 9 years older than me, but I was an adult when we started dating, too.

I'm very disturbed too, that your daughter's school doesn't report absences to parents. I just assumed that every high school does. If the students are legally required to be in school, then the school should be legally required to notify parents of any absences.

Quoting Playitagain:

Well you read whats going on with my DD, thankfully the only border they could quickly get too would be Canada, and the Canadians are pretty good about stuff like that even if they did get into the country.
I just got off the phone with the boys mother, she thinks Dh and I are being so cruel, that they kids are just "two people in love". Now Dh and I have a 14 year age gap, but I wasnt a teenager at all when we got together and I was always way too mature for my age. I told the mom her son needs to stay away from my daughter, the one thing I might be able to hold onto my sanity with is the fact the boy is in the airguard reserves and the armed forces dont take this type of thing lightly. Plus we have legal saftys in place with DD where if she did take off, she wouldnt legally be allowed to move out even at 19 without a court order.
I think we live in a world where parents want to be their kids friend, and its a very sad thing. Our schools dont report absences to us either, infact if was just by finding DDs yearbook account that I even was able to quickly piece together she was skipping school. I had to make a special request with her case teacher to get her attendence records.
I can only imagine what this would be like, its like thinking about that teacher... Mary Kay Latouro, she married her student when she got out of prison. I wonder how her ex husband and kids face each day knowing that.

My daughter is barely 16, legal age were we live is 17, the guy is 21 (or very close to it) but because of her form of guardianship there actually is know age of "consent" as far as DD is concerned. I found out a couple hours ago. Its a law inplace to protect mentally ill and disabled peoples from predators.
I think our school no longer reports absences because of budget cuts, I also no longer call when one of my kids is absent from school. They used to at least send you a pre recorded message but that was at the end of the day and didnt tell you what hours or anything like that.